Here you are inside me at 33 weeks.
It has been a while since I last posted. So much has happened since my last post.
Pre-Term Labour
On April 3rd you decided that you wanted out and I went into pre-term labour. I was only 28 weeks at the time and absolutely petrified. It actually started the night before with a weird pelvic pressure and eventually I began getting what I thought were intense Braxton Hicks contractions. I was getting scared because the contractions had increased and were regular.
After a while, your Daddy suggested we go to the hospital. I felt a bit silly for such a panicked approach. At the hospital, they attached me to monitors and confirmed that I was going into labour. I spent that night so fearful. Loving you as I did then, I could not fathom the thought of losing you. Neither could I imagine you being born and not put in my arms because you would have been a premie. Luckily they were able to give me corticosteroids to help advance your lung development and also to delay the labour. Every day after that while you stayed inside me was seen as a blessing. I was put on strict bed rest and I did not mind. I would have done anything necessary to keep you in me for as long as possible.
Grateful for Additional Time
Now you are 35 weeks along and at a stage where entry into the world is not as high risk. We look forward to your entry. Your personality is already developing. You seem to have an amazing connection to your Daddy. When you hear his voice you get so active, moving around and tumbling as though you want to play. Sometimes Daddy and I would be talking and I would get so quiet just enjoying how excited you seem to get when he is speaking. I would be jealous except that I am the one that actually get to feel you inside me. You also seem to understand touch. Once my tummy is touched and you are awake you get into an excited mode.
Sometimes I get nervous because I wonder if I am allowed to love another human being as much as I love you. For most of the pregnancy it has been just you and me: no job, no distractions, just you and me laying down as I try to understand the growth that is within me. I have so many images in my mind of what you would look like, how you would be. I try to imagine your voice and your cries. When I first found out that you could feel pain while in my womb, I got so emotional. What could I do to make sure you never feel pain? And then I realised the answer is nothing, I can't protect you from the pains in life. All I can do is try to raise you to the best of my ability.
As I am writing this, you are squirming around inside of me, no doubt demanding I read you your story of sing to you. Well, you are the boss for now, so your wish is my command. How about a Dr. Seuss story?
